Five Suits, One Robe, and a Bad Toupee

Often my work with senior citizens involves lighthearted, gentle assistance as they navigate through the operations of Silver Key Senior Services.  Our interface involves explaining processes, giving directions, lending an arm, pushing a cart, and kindly listening to their stories.

 

As I walk through my workday, I am often pulled away because my cell phone is demanding my attention to another senior’s plight – my older sister who is a victim of elder abuse in another state.  While I possess the knowledge of dozens of resources available in the Pikes Peak region, I am challenged in my efforts to speak on my sister’s behalf over 1000 miles away.

 

For five months, my family has been fighting a very conniving perpetrator who has committed crimes of financial abuse that have led to my once millionaire sister now being homeless, without the ability to drive, medically unstable, depressed, and finally (and most importantly) unable mentally to work against this invasion!  In less than a year, her new “friend” wormed his way into her emotions, her checkbook, control over her decisions (i.e. a new will), alienated her from her family and friends, took medical oversight, obtained Power of Attorney and Temporary Guardianship…all without the knowledge of her children, her sisters, and her friends. 

 

My story is a common one in the world of agencies like Silver Key, Department of Human Services, Adult Protective Services and even AARP.  But today, for me, this is personal. 

 

Elder abuse is an insidious crime.  As I have talked with friends and co-workers, I have heard dozens of stories where a family member has been taken advantage of.  The term “abuse” is not always used in conjunction with our seniors being mistreated financially or by a new friend surfacing to make mom or dad happy.  We tend to understand child abuse and domestic abuse.  Elder abuse is not as frequently identified. 

 

Although it can be a family member abusing the senior by knowingly obtaining money or cars, it also can be at the hands of a caregiver.  In my sister’s situation, she befriended a man her age through her son.  At first, they were enjoying each other (although he is married).  We did not understand the direction this friendship was headed.  Within a couple of months, my sister began telling her friends and sisters that her relationship had deepened and that this new friend was her soul mate.

 

Life takes curious turns of events and mine is no exception.  While I have not always agreed with my older sister and her decisions and choices, I have always been willing to let her live her life and follow her own path.  Today, the stress of her life choices has created a deep abyss of psychosomatic dementia.  Her mind has literally shut down to protect her from her grief.  Once she created beautiful needlepoint works of art that are treasured by friends and family.  Today my 69 year old sister cannot pull the threads of her memory together to create a sentence.

 

We go to court in October to determine guardianship for a once vibrant, intelligent, compassionate, and devoted member of the family.  The perpetrator has fought diligently to retain control as he stands to lose much more than money.  There is a criminal investigation, a guardian ad litem, adult protective services, and an attorney hired by me in opposition of the petition for permanent guardianship.  Five suits, one robe, and a bad toupee (perpetrator) will determine the future of my sister.  My sister will have no voice…her fate now in the hands of lawyers and the courts.

 

As stewards of our families and our community, it is vital that we raise awareness of this crime against our aging population.  This is a crime that crosses all barriers – education, financial, religious and upstanding citizens.  It is our responsibility to be tuned in and to report any instances of abuse, not just bruises and black eyes but bullying, control, and isolation.